“We’ve got a letter from Milton.”
“Who?”
“Milton, you know, posh bloke, thinks he’s in charge.”
“Right, him, yeah. Whats it say?”
“Reckon he’s been on the bottle. Telling us to stop spying on the inmates.”
“Chief…”
“Ah, fuck it, can’t get used to this bollocks of pretending to have any respect for them, but if it makes you happy, alright, residents. Anyway, Milty boy reckons we’ve gone a bit too far. Prat. Doesn’t know his arse from his elbow that bloke.”
“Wasn’t he in on that complete fuck up in Westminster? You know, when Porter wanted to out all the chavs to expand her top-end market?”
“Same bloke. Only went and apologised. Doesn’t learn, does he?”
“Nah. Still live there?”
“What sort of a friggin question is that? You’re supposed to know where everyone lives!”
“Sorry chief. Got him.”
“Good. I want that bastard RIPAd till the blood streams from his ears. Get the local boys on it. Tell them to use Ipswich’s new talking cameras. Whisper in Milty boy’s ear as he walks down the road: ‘Milton, we know where you live…Milton, we’re going to reband your council tax and analyse your rubbish and put a tail on your kids.’ Give him a little taste of fear, a touch of local authority.”
“Great chief, great. Can I monitor his phone calls as well?”
“Give me strength, you prat, we’ve been monitoring them for years.”
“Anything juicy?”
“He’s got a ’special’ relationship with that blonde bimbo Johnson. On the bloody phone together all the time.”
“Ulrika?”
“Boris, you twat. Thinks London’s his manor now. He’ll learn, just like Kenneth had to. Shame about the newts. What these ponces just don’t get is we’ve taken the local out of local government.”
“Right chief, they’ll understand, sooner or later.”
“Anyway, fuck ‘em. Back to the bread and butter. What happened to that old biddy who dropped dead pushing her wheelie up the hill because the binnies couldn’t pull it with one finger? Did you get the flytipping fine on her before she croaked?”
Tags: liberty, local authorities, local government, local government association, ripa, sir simon milton, snooping, uk
